My Vocation Journey – a vocation odyssey

Reading: Philippians 3:12-16 – Forward in Christ
Song: Anima Christi

Intro:
Like in any Greek play or drama, there is a chorus which plays a very important role. It sings of the adventure of the hero, the pains and the glory it gathers along the way. There will be singing part, choruses in my visit. Please feel free to join in singing. We just sang Anima Cristi which was my song during high school (which up to now inspires me) the time when I felt that I was being called. We sang it in one of my retreats. It made me feel that I always wanted to be at Jesus’ side. I was part of the knights of the altar from 1st year to 4th year high school and I sometimes thought of becoming a priest. But it was not part of my plan. I have to finish high school, go to college and help my family.

In the tenth year of the Trojan War, the Greeks tricked the enemy into bringing a colossal wooden horse within the walls of Troy. The Trojans had no idea that Greek soldiers were hidden inside, under the command of Odysseus. That night they emerged and opened the city gates to the Greek army. Troy was destroyed. Now it was time for Odysseus and the other Greeks to return to their kingdoms across the sea. Here begins the tale of the Odyssey, as sung by the blind minstrel Homer.

Ithaca which is Odyssey’s home will play an important role since it will always be in his mind – the driving force that will make him live up to all the challenges set for him. Ithaca for Odysseus is more than just a vast land; it was the place of his dream where his family is waiting, a haven, a sanctuary and a place of refuge and forever happiness. As for me, Ithaca is my vocation to the priesthood. This is our story, our quest for the elusive Ithaca. Join me and Odysseus as we embark in our life-journey.

Gaya ng tagumpay ni Odysseus sa Troy, napagtagumpayan ko ang Trojan war. Ito ang laban ko sa pag-aaral, halos limang taon dahil irregular ako sa kolehiyo. Kinulang kami sa pera kaya 2nd sem na ako ng pumasok sa San Sebastian. Nag working student, crew sa KFC. 2nd year ng pumasok sa Student Catholic Action, doon nagsimula ang exposure sa charity at community work. Lumakas ang hatak ng bokasyon ng maging bahagi sa World Youth day 1995 bilang facilitator at director ng thematic events. Sa malaking pagtitipon sa luneta kasama ang santo Papa, nakaramdam ng apoy sa dibdib ng bigyang hamon ang mga kabataan na ipalagananp ang salita ng Diyos sa lahat ng dako ng mundo – to tell the world of his love.

Song: Tell the World of His love

After sacking the city, Odysseus went to the Lotus Eaters where they tasted this strange plant. They lost all desire to return home and had to be carried off by force. I had a taste of the good life after finishing Mass Communication. I immediately got a job in a TV station after graduating and I ended up as a director and manager at a leading television network after 10 years. Although the vocation is still in my mind, I almost lost it with the luxury I had acquired in my life as a media professional. On another island, Odysseus and his men encountered Cyclops. It was actually I whom they encountered; it was me with a single vision of earning for the family and having a decent job. I lost sight and almost forgot my vocation. I have to be blinded to see what I most wanted in my life, to answer God’s call.

Iniwan ko ang trabaho ko para sa 10 months of formation as a pre-novice sa Jesuits. Akala ko yuon na ang hinahanap kong bokasyon. At gaya ng pagkakakilala ni Odysseus sa ‘Keeper of the Winds’ na tinulungan itong makarating papunta ng Ithaca sa banayad nitong hangin. Naging maayos din ang takbo ng aking formation. Binigyan ako doon ng mga responsibilidad na dapat gawin gaya ng bagyong binalot sa bag at ibinilin kay Odysseus. Nagkamali itong binuksan ng ibang tao at naging sanhi ng bagyong nagpabalik sa kanila sa simula ng paglalakbay. Hindi ako nakapagtuloy sa novitiate at muling nagtrabaho sa GMA7. Back to zero ulit ang lahat.
Song: Panalangin sa Pagiging Bukas Palad

They were left with the Laestrygonians, giants who bombarded them with boulders and gobbled down his shipmates. The few survivors put in at the island of the enchantress Circe. The men were entertained by her and then, with a wave of her wand, turned into swine. Hermes the god gave him an herb that protected him. I was back again in the dog eats dog world where bosses are the giants and will turn you into a monster or a trained dog in the flick of their hand with deadlines impossible to meet and work load of a herculean task. Like Hermes for Odysseus, it was a friend who helped me go back to what I really wanted. Atty. Arnold Martinez, aided by Jesus Master lead me into the Pauline family. The goddess Circe who owns the island told Odysseus to go to the land of the dead for him to find his way back to Ithaca. It was my boss who told me to look deep into myself if I really wanted to quit a high paying and prestigious job and pursue my vocation.

Hinarap ko ang ang aking sarili at ng bokasyong nagmumulto sa akin. Hindi ako iniiwan gaya ng isang lagnat na ayaw ng gumaling. Sa panahon ng pakikiniig sa gunita at sariling karanasan, nakilala ko ang matagal ng nalibing na bahagi ng pagkatao. Ang kahambugan kong gaya ni Achilles at iba pang tauhang nagpapakita ng aking tunay na pagkatao. Pero isang gaya ni Tersias ang kailangan kong makita sa sarili. Ang magbibigay ng babala sa aking pagtungo sa bokasyon at ano ang tamang gawin sa pagtahak dito na magdudulot ng kaligayahan tawagin man ni kamatayan sa ano mang oras.

From there, the sea of a secular life unfolds. Like me, Odysseus had to pass the Sirens, whose sweet singing lures sailors to their doom. I meet people in the work place and in my grand clan who always speak of how glorious I had worked and contributed in my TV program, how I was able to help my family and devoted my ten plus years for them. These were music to my ears which almost sank my ship of vocation had I not set my eyes on the life of service that I really wanted to live.

Marami pang pakikipagsapalaran ang dumaan, mga pagsubok na kailangan maranasan at mapagtagumpayan. Gaya ng kahinaan dahil sa isip at pakiramdam ay hindi karapat-dapat ang isang tulad ko sa bokasyong ito. Kawalan o lubos na tiwala sa sarili na lulunok sa iyo ng buong buo gaya ng Charybdis na ipo-ipo na nadaan ni Odysseus. Hindi ko na ininda ang ilan pang senyales kung tutuloy ako o hindi. Sa aking pag-sagot ng Oo, wala ng atrasan ito. Lahat na ay isasakripisyo, inulan man ng kulog at kidlat ng lungkot ang mga unang araw ko dito. Gaya ng ibigay ni Zeus kay Odysseus haggang makarating na sa Calypso – ang seminaryong ngayon kinalalagyan ko. Noong dumating ako dito, akala ko hindi ako aabot ng isang taon. Pagkatapos dalawang taon pala ang Aspirancy program, naku at paano na ito ang tanong ko, pagpapala talagang maituturing na patapos na ang dalawang taong iyon na kung iisipin ko ay saan na napunta.

Like Odysseus, I may say that I had quite a journey. I had a life. From Makati City, Kalyaan I was lead to the freedom of choosing my vocation – the true Kalayaan that I wanted the most. To reach St. Paul Seminary which became the seed bed of my Pauline vocation, I traveled the not so easy route. I passed through Bacoor, a truly ‘baku-bakong’ road. I felt its bumps and turns being impatient that I am. Time even came when I wanted to board the bus and head back home because of loneliness and desolation. But I know this road stops and ‘bako’ should not be road blocks but were stepping stones in disguise. The truth is the bumpy road was actually part of the destination. My taste of aspirancy here is actually a taste of the priesthood I am praying for. I then passed by Imus, that something I-Must and Imus really do. Not because I am challenge by it but because it what my heart’s desire really is.

I also have episodes of romance along the way since Dasmarinas the princess is a road inevitable to pass, the last town that I have to cross to reach my dear Silang. Dasmarinas is tricky like the nymphs and sirens in the sea. They will make you feel how ‘guwapo’ you are, desirable and capable to be a ‘Papable’. I was lured of the idea of having kids of my own that walks talks and looks like me, a nice house and a beautiful wife to come home to, a brand new car and gadgets to my hearts content. These are worldly things I know, materialistic as it is but I have to realize its part of my journey. For I am soul and body in this physical world is where I live. Such encounters with these may torment and terrorize me but will help strengthen my vocation. I will pass by Dasmarinas but will not forget my destination – Silang. Saint Paul Seminary Foundation is rightly placed in Lalaan 1st, Silang Cavite. In vocation life-journey, one has to be born or – i-Silang. After that painful birthing, we realize what we have to offer as in “ano ang dapat unang ilaan” what do we have to offer first but our very selves. I am in my dear home Silang. Where the cool hum of the wind will put you to sleep, safe and sound in her bosom, a place where bitter coffee will give you a taste of her sweet scent every morning. This can happen only here, the place where new Paulines will be born and raised. I will always remember Silang as I look forward to the next level of formation towards the priesthood that I long – my Ithaca. Here is the poem Ithaca, I hope by now you know what I am talking about and what Ithaca means.

When you set out on your journey to Ithaca,
pray that the road is long,
full of adventure, full of knowledge.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the angry Poseidon -- do not fear them:
You will never find such as these on your path,
if your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine
emotion touches your spirit and your body.

The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the fierce Poseidon you will never encounter,
if you do not carry them within your soul,
if your soul does not set them up before you.
Pray that the road is long.
That the summer mornings are many, when,
with such pleasure, with such joy
you will enter ports seen for the first time;
stop at Phoenician markets,
and purchase fine merchandise,
mother-of-pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
and sensual perfumes of all kinds,
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
visit many Egyptian cities,
to learn and learn from scholars.

Always keep Ithaca in your mind.
To arrive there is your ultimate goal.
But do not hurry the voyage at all.
It is better to let it last for many years;
and to anchor at the island when you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting that Ithaca will offer you riches.
Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage.
Without her you would have never set out on the road.
She has nothing more to give you.
And if you find her poor, Ithaca has not deceived you.
Wise as you have become, with so much experience,
you must already have understood what Ithacas mean.

This poem has captured the essence of my vocation, my life. It included phrases that expresses the true meaning of a vocation enterprise. It is something that we all face in our time as seminarians which will bring us or say have brought us to greatest moments of our lives. This poem reminded me that I am not all along alone in my vocation journey – as my journey to Ithaca. I met several others who tried their hearts and see if they are being called - I meet all of you along the way. We shared happy moments; we wage war against each others’ principle and guts. We shared tear filled times when we remember our families or when our brother permanently bid goodbye to our seminary. We continue to journey and gain wisdom as we age in the formation, through the rich experiences and encounters with others. Finally to savor the fruit of our labor as we reach the Ithaca of our vocation.

Our vocation is the thread that connects us in this seminary, to those who came before us and those who will come after us. An event to celebrate our diversity in the experience of God’s call. We face our vocation head on, we must approach it with zest, a little sense of adventure and it may not be free from fear but it should not be taken over by it. And when we have grown old in the formation, the wisdom and experience we have gained will leave us rich with understanding of our vocation and of ourselves. That is the wonder of our vocation life-journey.

I was asked in our Postulant’s big day on how I wanted to be remembered as a Pauline, it took me a while to answer the question. I want to be remembered as a brother who pushed you to the limits and squeezed your juices. Remember that grapes are crushed to produce the finest wine and olives are pressed in order to come up with the best oil. I want my brothers to remember me as the one who thought them to achieve perfection in work as young Paulines - a fool-proof and glitch free apostolate, a successful event, a compelling and purposive audio video presentations and a remarkable and pioneering production. When you step into the stage, open your laptop before you write your scripts, turn on the microphones, switch on the led projector and play your audio video materials you all pray that the Jesus Master will direct you in producing these multimedia that you may lead people closer to Him. Remember that our apostolate is our expression of our love for God.

Let this also be your mantra – ano kaya ang sasabihin ni kuya ed sa gawa namin, ookrayin kaya nya dahil pangit at mema lang o maaiyak kaya siya kasi ito na yung product ng walang sawa niyang pamumuna sa aming production? Naintindihan kaya ni aling Barang ang ginawa namin o kailangan pa naming mag explain o maglagay ng disclaimer? May we live up to the name we are called – media priest and brothers.

I know that I am difficult to work with because I am a perfectionist – I usually nit pick, I am passionate and intense in doing work. I feel betrayed and cheated if things do not work out as planned. But remember that slave driver is not my middle name and mediocrity is not part of my team…I asked myself most of the time if what I have been doing has helped my brothers, or my effort just went into waste and I will end up being hated by them because I had traumatized them in doing production work? I found an answer from a brother who gave me the best birthday card I ever received. He wrote and I quote: “Maligayang kaarawan aming guro, maestro, tatay, kaibigan at kapatid. You really push us in our potentials. Your words and examples encourage us to strive and appreciate the Pauline apostolate. Kudos Paolinitas! Your person is an example of great Pauline blood – surely Alberione is smiling in heaven because we have you in the seminary. Salamat.” I have read this 4 times now but it still gives me goose bumps and makes me wanted to cry.

If asked where I had been for the past 15 or 20 years, “bakit hindi pa ako pumasok” sa seminary several years ago? My answer is I have waited for all of you to come and be part of my life. I can not imagine now not encountering you in my seminary life. I as I said and shared before, I never had the chance to have a brother but the Jesus Master was kind enough to give me more than 40 of them. Thank yous….(now)

May you somehow have seen Jesus Master in me being imperfect as I am. For those I have wronged, I asked for forgiveness. I should have been more compassionate and loving. I am really sorry. I know I have a bad temper and I easily burst out. Please pick up my good side and throw away the bad and rotten part. I love you my brothers so much that I wanted you all to be good and dependable. I hated my father when he reprimands me and tells me what to do for I have my own phase and my own style of doing things and I do not want to grow up like him.

But now I end up doing the same stuff to all of you. Am I a bad brother? I wish could have done more to ease all our worries and tensions in our production and in our seminary life.

In our vocation life-journey, like Odysseus we will encounter puzzles to solve. Once solved, will lead us to another puzzle until we reach the part where solving puzzles is our second nature. Like in our seminary life, we encounter people and events that will bring about problems. We face them head on with humility and strength at our side. These are situations where we all can practice our skills brought about by the four wheels of training we acquire here in the seminary. In the outside world, priesthood, single blessedness or family life we will encounter the same problems and we know now how to solve and endure it. We can persevere, strain forward and win the race.

Incidentally, I will be giving you different sample puzzles to solve. Try it later and if you are done with it, exchange with the other brothers until you mastered all the different puzzles. In a little while you will see what I am talking about, if the puzzle that you had before will come to your hands it would be a breeze to figure out how to solve it. But brothers, please remember that our vocation life-journey is not a puzzle to solve but a love to live.

Extro: I know I should not rush through this vocation life-journey; my adventure is now the story of my soul. The wisdom, learning and knowledge that I acquire every step of the way will supply the true meaning of my vocation. Knowing the Jesus Master that I wanted to serve, the kind of life that I wanted to live – religious life and knowing the person that I really am through the people I meet and the events of life that I experienced. The prize I sought is in the vocation life-journey itself. May we be like strong Greek heroes and soldiers as we march for our vocation with Jesus Master and Mary Queen of the apostles as our battle cry and with our father St. Paul as our commander with Blessed James and Timothy in our brigade. As we march let us remember we are not only soldiers but Servant of love.